you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
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I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
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Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.