DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
babies were throwing up all over the place
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"