How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
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Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
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she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...