I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
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I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
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he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.