just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
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I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.