he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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