it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
