just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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