You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
