I wish i was in the wii world.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
