She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
