Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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