I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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