We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
