I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
