In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
