Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
