Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
