Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
