too bad you live with your parents still
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
