his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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