She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
