I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
