got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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