Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Is it because I queefed?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
