I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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