you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
