i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
