Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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