I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
