if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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