After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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