I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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