She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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