dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I FOUND THE LEGS
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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