Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
