peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The convent might be a nice break from real life
So. Much. Porn.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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