i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Floor bacon is actually really good
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
