just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
