i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
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There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
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I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize