His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
