I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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