Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
