it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
