He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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