so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
