we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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