I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
