Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
