it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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