I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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