I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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