just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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