Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
