the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
