i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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