my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
