ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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