So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
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Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
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Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
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