Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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