I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
