yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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