I think I died a long time ago.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
