You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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