I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
