I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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