Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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