there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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