Three words: puerto rican gang bang
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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