We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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