her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
