I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
