he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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