I'm being pulled over???
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.