somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
singing on the bus should be illegal
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo