did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
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I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.