I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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