His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Randomize
