I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.