That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
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Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
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Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore