I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
