just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
