I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
